Why Does My Child Melt Down After Camp: Navigating the Post-Camp Crash
I’m sure you’ve already seen it, even just a few weeks into summer. Your child comes in the door after a long (and probably fun) day at camp and absolutely loses control. “I hate camp and I never want to go again,” they scream. Oddly enough, yesterday they couldn’t stop talking about how excited they were for camp. There might be tears, yelling, slamming doors - all the behaviors and emotions that leave you feeling overwhelmed and dysregulated too.
Take a breath, and slow down. You might feel confused, frustrated, angry, and at a loss for where this is coming from. Let’s pause and be curious about what’s going on here.
Let’s start with the surface.
Your child is exhausted, hungry, thirsty, to say the least. Camp may also leave your child feeling covered in dirt, sweat, and even with some scrapes and bruises. All of these needs have to be met before we can attend to the rest. Make one of the first things you do on the way home taking care of these needs. Maybe that looks like a refilled water bottle and a snack in their car seat, a wet wipe or two for hands or dirty knees, and a band-aid or ice pack for any boo-boos (physical or emotional).
Don’t jump into trying to ask them about their day at camp unless they are initiating the conversation. The hour after camp is going to become a restful, calm, low-demand hour, and it starts with a car ride (or first 10 minutes at home if they are taking a bus, being dropped off, etc.) that fulfills physical needs. More on the rest of the hour below.
Now that your child’s physical needs are met, we can think about the bigger picture. Coming home from camp is a big transition. Not only is it a different physical space, but a different energy level, different expectations, and different social roles. I’m exhausted already! There are a few different ways we can make the transition easier for your child’s body, including initiating a “low demand” hour, using visuals to reinforce consistency, and making the routine predictable for your child’s nervous system.
“Low Demand Hour”
Your child has probably been engaging in activities all day that require focus, creativity, socialization, frustration tolerance, etc. They likely need a moment to just be before they can engage in more demands like chores. Other than taking off their shoes and any other just inside the door rituals for your family, try to avoid asking them to unload the dishwasher 2 minutes after getting home. Save that for after they’ve unwound a little bit.
Visual Schedules
Identify a few low energy, positive and enjoyable activities that your child can engage in when they get home from camp. This could be something like drawing or coloring, resting and watching a 30 minute show on TV, playing with play-doh, taking a fun bath, etc. Print out a “menu” or schedule of visuals representing these options to remind your child of some things they can do. They may have “decision fatigue” after a full day of activities, and it might feel easiest to give them the iPad, but more dopamine hits right now may lead to further dysregulation later on when you try to move them on toward tasks like dinner, chores, and bedtime. Your child has probably missed you throughout the day and may be seeking connection; try to play with them if they ask for at least 10 minutes doing their preferred activity. You’d be surprised how even just 10 minutes of connected play can make later limits or requests to do chores go over much more positively.
Predictability
We want the routine after camp to include the same building blocks every single day. Whatever this needs to look like in your family is up to you, but try to avoid scheduling one-off activities or outings right after camp ends. The consistency is more important than the exact item by item routine, but it could be something like this:
Get in the car/on the bus home from camp, have water and a snack
Quiet, low stimulation music on the drive home
Take shoes off and put on clean cozy clothes
Options for coloring, legos, reading, or playdoh
10 minutes of parent-child connection play
Dinner
Chores/responsibilities
Lastly, listen, don’t fix.
If your kiddo is getting into the car already melting down, or throws all their things on the ground the second they get in the door, pause. Take a breath. The whole day, your child has been working hard to keep themselves regulated; following counselor directions, navigating friendship dynamics, being patient, and managing near constant stimulation. Getting to come home means finally getting to be held by a strong and warm leader. Often, the meltdown is a sign that they feel safe enough to let it all out.
When your child explodes the minute they are back in a safe space, your inclination may be to try and fix the problem or discipline the behavior. Just listen. Maybe make an understanding, acknowledgement sound like “mm” while nodding your head slightly. Pay attention and keep yourself calm. Throw in a “oh wow, that sounds really hard” with a deep, slow breath attached to it while they’re telling you all the struggles of the day (or just screaming/crying/etc.).
Meltdowns do not need to be explored verbally because your child is not in a mindset to be able to think logically. Help them tolerate the feeling with your own regulation until they are able to tell you what they need after they have calmed down.